Suicide Note

If you are reading this, chances are I did not make it through the experience. OR you are snooping around my stuff and you should not be. If you are here by mistake or the time has not arrived yet stop reading now. However if my demise has taken place and the events have unfolded as I had expected them to unfold, then I suppose nothing can stop you.

This is my last observation of the world and the things that can become all too real if you allow them to become real. I will begin with the question I should have asked before I began this journey into the hellish realm I know all too well now. The question is simply, when do you go too far into something? How long does it take before you pass the point of no return?

Three weeks ago if you had asked me if I believed in evil, I would have said no. Now I can tell you that mindless evil does, indeed, exist. How did I discover this fact of the world you are asking your self now I bet. It started out like all things do, it started out as an idea, no not an idea. A book. The most famous book in the world in the realm of the occult is the Necronomicon, I would imagine it is anyway. No, I have never seen the actual book and like most people I think it was just a creation of a horror writer way back in the 20's. However, reader. Listen to me carefully in about what I am going to write down, and remember it well so you do not make the same mistakes.

I was given this book by a friend, the one you all have and know as the Simon Necronomicon. And like most of you I considered it to be just the imagination of somebody running a little off the deep end. It was a fun little book to show off to my friends, ask them if you can still find any of them around. I hope they did not end up like I did.

You see I read this book and it was not my Idea, it was one of my friend's ideas, I swear it was to base a game off of it. We each take a week studying one of the arcane rituals in this book, and when that week was over we would each do exactly what it said to do in the book. Now, you see the one who could do it the best and not mess up would win something, or at the very least bragging rights of being better than the others at the time. It was interesting and secret contest, one of the main and only rules was we could not have outside help, or tell anybody what we were doing. It was going to be interesting.

You see, reader it was as interesting as I thought it would be. Too interesting. We could not talk about it to others or anything so we decided to keep it a secret to even eachother. To read the rituals in the book is one thing, however to practice them is a different story entirely. We all chose and practiced in secret. This would have been the longest week of my life. The ritual took up alot of time and I believed in it, I believed in what I was doing, I wanted to win. This week was difficult in meeting all the requirements the book said to meet. I was not a social person so when I started acting alittle bit different, hardly anybody ever noticed.

I practiced it every night, in parts of course because the book said to mess up is to invite death, or some kind of ultimate destruction or another. Did I believe it, no of course not. But I actually got it down well enough to where I thought I could do it flawlessly. The test would have come soon.

The end of the first long week came and it was time to show off our stuff. I did it last. The other two of my friends did it and from what I could tell they did it good, but they basically went through the motions, no real feeling to it, not the way I had practiced it, I would show them all!

It was my turn to perform the ritual, but reader a most terrible thing happened. I had practiced it in parts, and I could not remember the correct order!. I did the ritual as best I could and I believed in every word I tried to say correctly. It turns out that the way I did it was perfect, but it was completely backwards. I did the entire ritual in reverse. But I did it the best, so I won.

Victory is hollow, my friend. That same night I began to notice things in the dark spaces. I went and came into this very room where you found this letter of mine and I began to notice...things that seemed to creep just out of the reach of my vision, slimy things maybe. It is hard to describe. I paid them no attention, my imagination was running high and I was prone to its manic workings, I did my best to ignore it all and drift of to peaceful sleep.

My dreams would never be peaceful. I dreamed of strange alien worlds, with a emerald sun and always. Always the same ending. Something I could not describe or really remember coming from the black waters of the world, coming for me. I would always awake in a cold sweat in the pre-dawn hours, terrified to move from my bed fearing the things just beyond the shadows would get me if I did. It was a silly childish fear of the dark, but all the same it was effective enough to freeze me to the bed until the dawn came to save me.

When I saw my friends the next day, they looked like me, they looked tired, no tired is not the right word. The right word is..drained. You see, I know none of us would admit it but we all had the same experience. There was a reason the book said to do these things where no person could see or hear you. We did not take that part seriously.

On the wings of a nightmare we flew now to our final fates together, we all could sense we had been in trouble, but none of us had any idea of just how much. As that first day went on we tried to forget our workings, and we all stayed in public places, scared to be alone none of us went too far from each other. Terrified of the quiet places, of the lonely places that could seemingly be found everywhere we went. People seemed to move away from us, not on purpose though it was more like a sub conscience deal and people could feel we could be, somehow...hunted.

Reader, my time grows shorter. I must omit some details now. The night came so fast it came faster than I could remember it seems. And it came with a chill, a dark and terrifying chill that bit through right to the soul and threatened to freeze the spine solid. My friends were more than eager to get back to their last places of safety, their homes.

The next week went by like this, and every day it got alittle worse. The sunlight did not seem as warm, the shadows seemed to come to life at night, well the things just beyond the shadows, just out of sight you could feel their presence, you could hear them slither against things, creeping closer in their intent, constantly. And when sleep did come, finally come it never lasted long before those strange and terrifying dreams came to disrupt in such a violent matter.

The last week came and all of our minds were admittedly at their breaking points. When the three of us came to our meeting point, only one showed up. Being curious we went to his house to see what the matter was. His parents would not talk to us when we came to the door, they opened it they knew we were coming. They simply told us he was sick, and they had looked drained, been up all night worried sick about something. You can tell this about people when they are scared, worried, and have been up all night.

They closed the door and we could hear the faint screaming, something about a green sun, and the shadows under the bed. We knew what he was screaming about instantly, although we did not talk about it,this had set us in the final directions.

We parted ways, reader. I have not seen him since that time, neither of them actually. I am writing this with the light on, I haven't slept at night in a few days now, the light remains on, but it no longer keeps them away. I fear this is it, I think the pills are finally starting to kick in now. I cant take this life any more, I hope that death offers the release I seek.

I have one last request. Do what I could not do. Destroy the book, do not read it, do not hold it longer than you must. Do not open the book. It is...well it is the one thing that everybody says is not real, but if you believe in it, in anything It can and will become real as you or me, if we truly exist at all anymore.



This note was the only one found out of a triple suicide. The names have been concealed to protect the families. This is a well documented case of delusional induced suicide, and group hysteria. However, who can say if this note was just inspired by the massive overdose of pills taken by the kid, or was it more based in reality, or something else entirely?



(Written by Jesse W. October 27 2007)